Buzz To The Future
by MeganKoumori
Summary: Time travelin' mayhem!


Note: NOT in canon with my other fics. Just me being a goofball.

* * *

Buzz Lightyear fell to the ground on his knees, grasping at where his helmet had been. As he choked and sputtered at the Cowboy's feet, Woody looked around to see if anyone was actually paying attention to this moron.

Finally, Buzz took a breath. "The air isn't toxic." He said in amazement. Then angrily he got to his feet. "How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!" He flipped his helmet back up.

"You actually think you're _the _Buzz Lightyear?" Woody began to laugh. "Oh all this time I thought it was just an…"

There was an explosion and a flash of light. Buzz knocked Woody to the ground, landing on top of him. "Shield yourself!" He hollered.

"Get off me you Bubble Brain!" Woody snapped angrily as he shoved him away. He got to his boots warily.

In the corner was a small silver car. As Woody approached it, Buzz followed behind aiming his laser at it.

"What in the…" Woody noticed the laser. "Knock that off! It's a light bulb! It's not going to do anything!"

The door of the car hissed open, arching up like silvery eagle wings. Buzz jumped and made a defensive karate posture.

Jessie stumbled out of the car. She ran up to Woody and grabbed the startled toy by the vest. "Woody!"

"Do I know you?"

"You gotta come back with me!"

"Whoa!" Woody pushed her away. "Who are you? Where did you come from? And why are you wearing my vest on your pants?"

"Never mind that now!" She exclaimed. "I need fuel! Get me some garbage! I need three soda cans, half a banana peel, some coffee grounds, and a copy of 'Madagascar' on DVD!"

"What's a DVD?"

Jessie grabbed him again. "You gotta come Back to the Future!"

"What are you talking about?" Woody demanded.

"You and Buzz turn out fine! It's your kids, Woody! Something's gotta be done about your kids!"

"Kids?" Buzz muttered, confused. Woody however, who had seen the movie, couldn't have looked more disgusted if she had pulled out a turd and started eating it in front of him.

"_WHAT?" _He screamed.

Jessie laughed. "Relax!" She said, punching him in the arm. "I'm just kiddin'! Crab!"

"He's not a crustacean." Said Buzz.

Jessie had become distracted as she looked around. "So this is where you used to live! _Ooh _lookylookylooky!" She shouted as she ran toward the wall. _"Clouds!"_

"What is going _on_ around here?" Woody noticed that Buzz looked thunderstruck as he stared at her. "What's the matter, Spaceman? They don't have girls on your home planet?"

"What home planet?"

Jessie suddenly reappeared and got in Woody's face. "Oh I remember the last time I saw you just like it was two minutes ago! When was it exactly? Oh yeah! Two minutes ago! I remember the last thing you said to me! You said, 'It's just a model, it's not gonna to take you Back to the Future, now get out of the DeLorean and stop blastin' the horn, you're giving me a headache!'"

"I bet you give a lot of people headaches."

Buzz approached from behind. "M-Ma'am?" He said. "I just wanted to welcome you and inform you that I am also a visitor to this planet," Jessie grinned. "So if you require any assistance…" He was startled as she grabbed him for a hug.

"Oh, you're so cute when you're crazy!"

The Ranger looked at Woody. "I could get used to this toy business." He said. "It may take months of forms but after I complete my mission to defeat the Evil Emperor Zurg I could put in for a permanent transfer…"

Jessie just held on tighter. "Ain't he the most adorable deluded Spaceman? Don't you just wanna _hug_ him?"

"Eh, hug him…" Woody put his hand over his mouth and looked away. "Hurt him…" he muttered. "Well I don't know how this day could get any stranger."

There was another flash and explosion, followed by a second DeLorean careening out of control across the bedroom floor. "Spoke too soon."

The wings flew open and another Woody fell out of the car to his knees. "Sweet solid ground!" He cried. "Oh I didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

From the driver's side, a second Buzz emerged. "All that screaming…You think you'd never gone eighty-eight miles per hour before!" He paused, his eyes catching Jessie who was still holding the other Buzz. "HEY!"

"How'd you guys get here?" Jessie asked in shock.

Woody braced himself against the time machine as he stood shakily. "After you didn't come back in ten minutes, we figured you were either stuck or screwing up somebody's past so we snuck across the street and borrowed Maxie's model."

Buzz was shooting eye daggers at his former self. "Jessie, why are you in his arms?"

"They're your arms too."

"But why are you in them?" He questioned sternly.

Jessie shrugged. "Well, uh…he's cute."

Buzz looked shocked. "Jessie! I can't believe you'd cheat on me with myself!"

"I ain't cheatin' on you!" Jessie insisted. "It IS you!"

"That's no excuse!"

The Past Woody groaned and rubbed his temples. "I've lost my mind. I've completely lost my mind."

His counterpart stood with him. "Oh don't worry. With these two you get used to it pretty quick."

Buzz was glaring as he grabbed Jessie by the arm and began to pull her away. "We're going home! Now!"

The other Buzz frowned as he caught Jessie and pulled her back. "If the young lady wishes to stay, _Cadet,_ then she has every right to exercise that option!"

"Who are you calling 'Cadet'?" Buzz grabbed Jessie. "She's not your girlfriend yet Pal, so you better back off!"

The second grabbed Jessie by the other arm. "No!" The two began to yank her back and forth.

"Let her go!"

"Never! A Space Ranger treats all females with dignity and honor! You're a disgrace to your uniform!"

"Give me our girlfriend back!"

"Then again," said Future Woody as the two Cowboys watched the two Spacemen play tug of war with the one Cowgirl. "I don't think I could ever get used to this."

The Past Woody shrugged. "It is kind of funny though."

Past Buzz finally go of Jessie. "Ma'am, it is your preference to make. You must make the choice on your own."

"Yeah," said Future Buzz, putting his hands on his hips. "Who's it going to be? Me or me?"

Jessie looked back and forth between them, stupefied. "Uhhhhh…You?"

"I knew it!" said both Buzzes. They glared at each other.

"She picked me!"

"Just the kind of rash rookie judgment I'd expect from a cadet."

"THAT'S IT!" Buzz yelled. He tackled the other Buzz around the waist, knocking them both to the ground.

"For the love of John Wayne's horse…" The two Woodys rushed over, and tried to yank the fighting Spacemen apart.

"Buzz, calm down!"

"No one tries to steal my girlfriend, not even me!" Buzz declared as he struggled against Woody's grip. "Let me go!"

"No!" Woody had to dig his heels in the ground to keep Buzz from grabbing his double. "I'm your best friend and friends don't let friends beat themselves up! C'mon Buzz, _just breathe!"_

Slowly, though still with a furious look, Buzz stopped thrashing about. As Woody let go, he exhaled angrily as he glared. "This isn't over."

Woody scowled at Jessie. "You see? You see what you've caused?"

Jessie made a pouty face. "I can't help if I'm _cuuuuute."_

Woody's past self was looking perplexed. "What do you mean 'best friends?'?"

Future Woody shrugged. "Just that. We're best friends."

"Weird huh?" Added Future Buzz.

"Weird?" Cried Past Woody. "Try insane! We're not friends!" He said, gesturing toward the second Buzz.

"He's right. The odds of the Sherriff and I overcoming our natural animosity is astronomical."

"Exactly! We can't stand each other!" The Cowboy went on. "I hate Buzz because he's a loony narcissistic attention hogging little show off! And he hates me because he's a jerk!"

Future Buzz suddenly hit Future Woody in the arm. "Ow!"

"I don't believe for a second that we'll ever become friends!" Past Woody folded his arms.

"Yeah, yeah. Well, get used to it. The loony show off and you are gonna be hanging together for a long time." Woody turned. "C'mon guys, let's just get out of here. Jessie, you're riding with me and I'm going to make sure you put in the right date! We don't need you going back in time to Waterloo!"

"Offense and indignation!" Cried Jessie. "I would never mess around at Waterloo!"

Woody crossed his arms as he gave her a look. "Oh _really? _And when and where exactly would you mess around?"

Jessie grinned sheepishly. "Boston Tea Party." Woody gave her a look. "Well, _think about it!"_ She cried, tugging on her hat brim. "Scandal! Midnight intrigue! Theft! Vandalism! Trespassin'! Drunkenness! Politically incorrect costumes! It's not a Boston Tea Party, it's a Boston Frat Party! _And I wanna goooooo!"_

"On second thought," said Woody. "_I'll _put the date in."

"Stick in the mud." Jessie started toward the car but then dashed back. She grabbed Past Buzz and gave him a kiss on the cheek. _"Mwah!" _He smiled and turned red as she ran to the Time Machine.

Buzz pulled the DeLorean wing open for Jessie. As she got inside, he glowered. He pointed to his eyes with two fingers, then pointed them at Past Buzz.

As he got in the second DeLorean, Woody rolled down his window. "Hey, when you take the Pizza Planet truck, don't ride in the back!" He called.

"Uh…_okayyyy…"_

Jessie leaned over. "Oh, and if you guys ever have kids and one of them when he's eight years old accidentally sets fire to the living room rug..._Hey!"_ She cried as Woody rolled up the window. "Party pooper!"

Inside, as the Cowboy set the date for their present, Jessie began to mess with the little radio. _"Tell me, Doctor where are we goin' this time? Is this the 50's, or 1999? All I wanted to do was play my guitar and sing…"_

"Ok, I've got the date and place set. Hit the gas."

"Roads?" Jessie pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "Where we're goin' we don't need…_roads!"_

"That's not what I said at all and where'd you get the su…" The DeLorean suddenly zoomed forward, sending Woody face first into the window shield. The second one followed and both of them vanished.

Woody and Buzz just stared at the spot where the two DeLoreans had been. "Tell me Sheriff," said Buzz. "Is this a frequent occurrence on your home planet?"

"Buzz," he answered. "I have a feeling we're not even on my home planet anymore."

"_So take me away, I don't mind…But you'd better promise me, I'll be back in time! Gotta get back in time!"  
_


End file.
